Ways to discourage unwelcome visitors
Posted by episode81 on August 2, 2010
I live in a nice neighborhood. Subsequently, we get quite a few visitors at our door asking for money. Some are very creative, others not so much. None of them are successful and some even get arrested. We are a tough crowd in Menlo Park.
Anywho, I digress …
In the past, I have politely tried to dismiss people from my doorstep as fast as I can, but that can take a while. Purely by accident, I have found a couple of things that work rather well.
- The last uninvited people to show up on my doorstep wanted my money and my signature on a petition. I don’t give money to people who just show up and I never sign petitions. Ever. Fortunately for me (and unfortunately for them), it coincided with bunny clean-out. It was a hot day. As I opened the front door, the unmistakable whiff of bunny crap and pee wafted out. It took about 30 seconds for the odor to hit them, mid-sentence. They took a step back, before quickly excusing themselves. The look on their faces was priceless 😀 Shame nobody called when Alan had his moment.
- Another winning method is the moldy lemon gambit. There are two prolific lemon trees in the front garden that attract lemon pickers. Although I don’t mind people helping themselves, I do expect them to ring the doorbell first. The bedroom is at the front of the house, right next to one of the lemon trees. That can be quite unfortunate when the windows are open on a Saturday morning. Ahem. TMI? The last Lemon-Picking, Non-Ringer Of The Doorbell rustled about enough on Saturday evening to incur the wrath of Alan, so I popped out to give the LPNROTD a hand. I reached up into the tree to pick a particularly good-looking lemon only to dislodge a way past it’s best, incredibly grotty, one. I inadvertently covered the LPNROTD in a shower of mold spores. He made a hasty retreat with a very small bag of contraband lemons.
So now I keep a bag of festering bunny crap/pee, and a fiercely moldy lemon by the door, just in case.
Uninvited guests, you have been warned.